psstt .. tittle-tattle natter chatter

help, im walking on a path i cant put the steps myself

I’ve gone through so much worst, this is nothing compares to what you went through , be tough, you’ll get there

the time you felt most homesick is when you’re sick .. this just in, i am currently not feeling so well. it’s not the heavy ‘i cant feel my nose flu’ or ‘oh my god my body is so warm’ fever, it’s just a simple flu (headaches and runny nose). i still can cook for my self. and can’t help to notice that the weather is getting a little warmer (yeay, but i am getting ahead of my self). and yes, i am homesick because i’m sick.

i’m guessing is the medication that brings me down to tears for every little thing that goes into my mind today. not everything, but it makes me kinda touchy-cry-baby and i hate it. it stinks, it stinks like hopeless-hell. rawr. i know this is all rambling, but what the hell ..

i felt so homesick because you don’t really know what is going on, around the people you love. you know the thing that WAS going on in their lives through their updates and ‘let-me-fill-you-in-what-happened’ summary. normally i would just smile and truly say ‘awww that’s great to hear i wish im there” …. buuuuut because i am currently sick, it goes more like ‘awww that’s great to hear i wish im there (CRYING, TEARS,SOBS)’. blame it on the medicine i guess.

everybody, who’s studying abroad, or live outside their home country must have felt this feeling once. or else that person must have hated where they come from (

but when i’m away „ there’s so much i miss about home. and i can go on about it forever (figuratively). i think i’m gonna give that forever a go (note: the way i go through the stuff are not. in any way, ranked from least-most or most-least missed things/people).

clock hits 12pm or 7pm and you know those are lunch and dinner time. you know you’ll go to the dining table and there you go, well prepared-home-cooked meal. complete with sambel-ulek that goes well with almost anything! wait, no, that does not happen at 12pm, or at 7pm. there’s just books and bag that you left sitting there from the night before on your dining-slash-study table. This is what made me homesick the first time during the day. i miss the luxury of food just readily to be consumed. i miss being spoiled and pampered when i am sick. and then, your mothers, YOUR MOMS, they have these strong feeling, i dont know how or why, but i will come to understand in the future. anywho, she randomly msg me in the morning, and send alot of hugs and kisses emoticons through blackb*rry messenger, and asked what am i doing, so i told her i just drank medicine and tried am trying to sleep (i played it cool, cause i dont want her to like, worry about me). 

yea that’s what she said , and i cried (i dont know why). and the next question was, “matanya berair ngga?” (and she wasn’t asking whether i was crying, tapi klo lagi sakit atau flu biasa memang mata berair). so told her, no only a little (still crying). i miss my mommy when i’m sick, i want mommy’s ikan-tim, bubur-seafood, telur-dinosaurus (basically telur-tim, but it’s served in a big bowl haha). mau makanan hangat, maauu kuah pangsit yg bikin keringetan kalo lagi sakit. mau mau mau :( so yes, sadly, i have to get out of bed, prepare myself some food to eat and again drink another medicine. then this chat goes on and she told me how things are back home, which felt like a blade went through my heart. she told me all the happy stuff, but it just made me crying. because again , i wanna be there. she told me how my elder brother now is going to work everyday in the morning and helping my mom out in the shop and everything. he is growing and she said he seems to be managing his temper better and all. I’m like (cry), i know is a very happy news, cause he used to be so easy-tempered and very sensitive. and he and  my little sister, (when i am back home), was rarely going along well because of the 9 years gap, and probably the gender difference. but my mom told me, now they go along better. and a few days earlier, my little sister told me she is finally getting the puppy she always wanted from years ago. my parents are finally getting her a puppy to bring home. scooby, and extension to our family and i am not there to welcome him to our family…. sobbing, i felt, like i was a little left off. i want to spend time with all my family, my dad, mom, brother and sister. i wanna be there, celebrate with my sister that she is finally getting a puppy. or maybe talk to my brother, like grown ups, without fighting because he was so sensitive or tempered …. i wanna go home. i really do. i want to be a part of things that are happening, but i am stuck here with school. I know i sound like ‘oh my problem are bigger than yours’ when every international-student felt like this. so i stopped crying, ‘comforting myself’, you’re not alone. another thing that makes me so homesick is the fact that my boyfriend and i are seperated by the pacific and 4 hours difference. in the last month, i’ve been so busy and we fight for things that we won’t if only we’re together in person. i spent less time with him, and spend time with him and being in rush to do something else. i can’t miss out the fact that this is a very busy semester, and the work load is crazy , but i still wanna go to the gym to keep my figure (atleast the figure that is better than not going to the gym) and then i have to spend time with my hubby tooo. so it’s overwhelming sometimes. and now i am sick, it’s like oh gosh, i just wanna get away from all this and spend time doing nothing, watch a movie together with him, without being rushed with “i have to study for the next test”.my mind is like going on a choo-choo-train and i’m running to jump on it. it’s crazy .. crazy crazy crazy … i miss him so much. i miss the simple hug, or the time when he takes care of me when i am sick. and it doesn’t work that way when you’re being sick, and you are far away from each other. i become this spoiled-brat when i am sick, again because i am used to have the luxury of having everything prepared (at least, when i am sick). i know he really wants to be here with me and just takes care of me. but it seem probably the more i complained about him that i am sick, it saddened him and upset him because the fact that he can’t help anything. he is worried but can’t do anything as the distance separate. the more he is worried, the more i nag, the more i irritate him, the more scattered/disperse i become. jadi nga jelas haha. i cried for nothing, being again, all touchy and saying things i meant, but projected in a completely weird way. i am homesick, i just hoped he could just hold me, and put me to sleep. there is another thing that makes me miss him. we managed to talk about a couple of things when i have spare time and without any fight, so that what i missed, just talking to him about stuff, all comfortable, change of mind and advices. talking about the future face-to-face is so much fun and so real. it’s not that through chats are not real, it’s just sometimes, i wish we’re talking about this when holding hands, or me brushing through his hair with my fingers, yaknow … i wanna spend time with my hubby, and i feel sooooooo guilty that i am away .. a lot of things happen around him, and i hear a lot of his stories, it made me happy hearing them, made me felt not so much far away, but at the same time, it’s like a reality-slapper who’s saying: “you’re not there bit*ch, suck that (evil laugh)”. i wanna be there for him through thick and thin, through everything. i wanna hear what’s his day like and everything. i just …. i wanna go home , enough said.

well, this piece is longer than i thought it would be in the first place. after all i did say i’m gonna try to write ‘forever’. bottom line, i am currently sick, really sick. i just catch a ‘homesick’ real bad today.

anyways, changed the name of my tumblr (like anyone care at all) and probably the whole concept and reason for making tumblr account in the first place.

i haven’t got any ovens in my current house , thus have no chance to bake anything ….. and makes me miss to bake now. but i hope in the near future, i’ll find an apartment with an oven.

but for now and forward, this may be the place I share things on food and along with other thing, it wont be fair naming it entreemaindessert or sweet-tooth and savory-tooth if my posts aren’t completely about them. lols

anyways, me, singing out :)

did you ever felt the time when you listen to a love-song (and you’re not even so sure what the lyrics are) but you still managed to gasp deeply inside yourself?

yea, probably i’d call that ‘song-gasm’.

this is random. but just felt song-gasm with beyonce’s love on top. it’s not even a slow-ballad-love song that sets you in the ‘mood’ .. yes most of the times i like these kind of love-songs better. and maybe it’s because beyonce’s too. c’mon guys, it’s beyonce …. 12 words juggled and shuffled in the chorus, still makes so much sense ..

anyways, the song-gasm is when 1. you’re USUALLY in love 2. it makes you smile when listening to it. 3. the song got great melody 4. the singer got great voice 5. the song makes you think of your love 5. the song finally makes your heart starts pumping you figuratively gasp-scream at the same time.

yes, random, but it’s still a finding right? my day is productive after all..

anyways, have a listen to the song!

Baby it’s you.
You’re the one I love.
You’re the one I need.
You’re the only one I see.
Come on baby it’s you.

You’re the one that gives your all.
You’re the one I can always call.
When I need you make everything stop.
Finally you put my love on top.

Ooo! Come on Baby.
You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.
You put my love on top.
Ooo Ooo! Come on baby.
You put my love on top, top, top, top, top.
My love on top.
My love on top.